Time

Time smiles back at me
As my eyes moisten
And future becomes reality
As my hands hoist them
Calendars choke me
With their phantom dreams
Clocks chase me
With their ticking screams
I want to escape
But they are my friends
They force me to tape
A mean to an end.
And I know not
Past Father’s ear
But I have fought
Against the fear
It does not matter
If friend or foe
For time is mine
And That I know.

KISS: Chapter 3, I Am Wanted

The sun beat down hard on my face as I laid back on my elbows and watched TJ carefully pierce the side of a worm. He bit his lip and dipped the hook into the water.
“Come here this one’s yours.”
“I’m comfortable.” I say placing his hat low over my eyes.
“Why are you so difficult?” He rolled his eyes and sighed sitting at the bank, his bare back to me. I sat there and stared at one little indentation by his right shoulder blade watching it move as he breathed.
“Can I ask you a question?”
His chuckle was low so as to not frighten the fish. When he looked back at me his eyes were glowing.
“Shoot.”
“Why you hang with me? Why don’t you hang with people on your team or them other girls that always follow you around?”
“Why Would I? You’re the only friend I got.” He said it so nonchalantly; I smiled in spite of myself.
‘Well how’d you know where I would be today?”
“Lil girl, aint that many places to hide in Nightingale. Now why all these damn questions, man the fish gonna leave.”
“Ima shut up.”
Now I don’t know whether it was that little laugh or that little indentation but right then I knew I was in love with that boy. Right then I knew I wanted more from him than fishing lessons and talks. Right then I knew how my mother had gotten pregnant at fifteen because the urge to just grab him overwhelmed me until I had to cover my eyes.
“Can we go? I don’t feel so good.” I whispered standing quickly and looking down the dirt road guiltily to see if some force had heard those thoughts in my mind.
“Sure” He grabbed the fishing poles and other gear and followed me down the road. I kept my eyes to the ground, afraid my will was weaker then I gave it credit for.
“Did I tell you about how that girl Tasha Nevins kept trying to flirt with me? I can’t stand that bitch,man.”
My mind snapped back into place seeing the beauty that was Tasha in my head. If he didn’t want the girl they called Tit-tastic, he wouldn’t want little old me.
Way to go T.J.
Half of me wanted to thank him for knocking sense back into me and half of him wanted to strangle him for ruining the fantasy.
“Well, what’s wrong with her?”
“I mean she’s cool I guess. She just aint really my type.”
“Well whats your type?”
“Man, I don’t know for real. I just didn’t like her.”
I looked up at him and he smiled back at me. That Chester Cat smile.
“I would fuck her though.”
“TMI, nigga, too MUCH information”
He threw his arm around my shoulder and laughed. I laughed too but more out of frustration. Damn he smelled good. What the hell is wrong with me?
“You listening?”
“Huh?”
“I said Im finna head this way to get back for practice you know, Ill come by later”
“Ok”
He lightly punched my shoulder and ran down the narrow dirt road for the school. I watched him for a while then started toward my home. It was a long way to Wicker Avenue. I walked slowly knowing I didn’t want to get home while my Daddy was still there. I didn’t feel like hearing him yelling at Momma before she had to leave for work. As I walked through the small town of Nightingale, I stopped in the gas station to grab a popsicle and a Coke. Mr. Holliston was my Daddy’s best friend and always let me have what I wanted free.
“Hey Hershey, you getting so pretty, how yo Daddy?”
I smiled, giggled, and pretended like I was six to appease him. I didn’t need no forty year old man telling me I was pretty. I knew I was. Long curly black hair, smooth chocolate skin, and long legs-couldn’t no one take that away from me.
“He’s fine.” I said as he handed me the bag with my items. I turned and ran right into someone’s chest. Stumbling, I instantly get angry. What can I say? I have a temper like my Daddy’s
“Excuse you.”
“Bitch, excuse you.”
I knew that voice. I looked up to see golden skin and hazel eyes. Brandon. As like the rest of the kids in Nightingale, this character had a nickname. Mine was Hershey, T.J. was Black, and Brandon was Cream. There wasn’t a damn thing smooth about this kid. I was surprised when he helped grabbed my waist to keep me from falling, but not grateful.
“Hands to yourself Cream”
“Don’t flatter your ugly ass”
I pushed him off me and walked out of the station to his calling my name.
“Come on now Hershey! Hershey! Kiss! Hold up.”
I stopped and turned around. My look could have hurt the Devil’s feelings. I never liked Cream. Other girls would call him the finest thing walking. Personally, I didn’t care-his personality was ugly as hell.
“I was just playing in there Baby, where you headed?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”
“Aren’t you? I know you aint going home yet. Yo Daddy aint left for the store yet. Its only 1:15.”
“How you know?”
“I know all about you.”
I rolled my eyes and kept walking toward my house. Realizing he was right but not wanting to let him win. His cocky ass isn’t going to get the best of me.
“Kiss come on, don’t play.”
“What do you want, Cream, damn!”
“My House is currently vacant. Come chill you know?”
He smiled. The deep dimples rivaling T.J.’s pearly whites. Those girls weren’t lying. He wasn’t nearly as tall as T.J. but beautifully sculpted. He dressed better than most of us teenagers. Probably because his mother owned a tailoring business downtown. His hair was in one braided ponytail. His eyes were the most intriguing shade.
“Yeah…aight”
On the walk to his house he told me about him dropping out of school to help his mother and two little sisters. We had all heard about his father’s death. He had gotten drunk and wandered out onto the train tracks. They found him the next morning without a head. Cream now worked at the tire factory full time. He knew his mother didn’t make enough to feed them and his sisters. Brianna and Bianca, looked up to him as a father; he couldn’t let them down. Today was his only day off for the month. He told me how he always thought I was beautiful and that he used to sit behind me in English wondering how I got all that hair. He always intended to get up with me but then he dropped out and kinda lost touch. I raised an eyebrow. Nightingale was large enough to be called a big town and small enough to find anybody you wanted.
He went around the back way to let me in. His house was small but cozy. Pictures of daffodils on the wallpaper and stuff like that. He took me by the hand and led me to his bedroom. It looked nothing like the rest of the house-plain white walls with only one poster of Malcolm X, a bed, a stereo, and one mahogany dresser. His bed was at least bigger than my cot.
I sat beside him on the bed and took out my popsicle. He smiled as I licked it.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
He got up and locked the door. He came back and took the popsicle out of my hand. Before I could protest his lips were on mine. Shocked at his aggressiveness I pressed my lips tighter to his in competition. His arms wrapped around me and lowered me backwards. With his lips on mine, I couldn’t think straight. This is a very big deal. The sexiest seventeen year old in Nightingale is kissing my neck. My need for bragging rights took over. I kept thinking T.J. is retarded for not wanting me. I’m the queen. I’m wanted. If I’m wanted by Cream, I should be wanted by everyone.
My hands reached to his t-shirt pulling it up and over his head. I’m a virgin but I’m not completely nave. I used to watch pornos at my friend Tiffany’s house every time her parents would go out of town and I’d spend the night. The pain threw me for a loop though. They always seemed to be having fun in Crazy Sex 5. I gritted my teeth and thought about telling him to stop. I wasn’t a chicken though. I gripped the sheets and willed the tears not to fall from my already wet eyes. Before the pain had fully subsided I felt him shudder and looked up to see him make the most ridiculous face. I laughed out loud.
“What’s funny?”
“Nothing” I stood up to stretch and gasped at the puddle of blood on the sheets. His eyes widen too.
“Hershey, you a fucking virgin??”
“Not no more”
“Shit I’m sorry. I didn’t even know. Damnit.” He stood to give me hug. I hugged him back and looked at the stain the leftover popsicle had created on the floor. Inside I felt the urge to cry and I didn’t know why.

Kiss: Chapter 2, Shit Aint Cool

“KIIIIISSSSSYYYYY!”
I turned around pushing my head further into the covers.
“Kissy get yo black ass in here NOW!”
I groaned and rolled over until I had to catch myself from falling out of my twin size flowered cot. I wiped the fogginess from my eyes pulling a t-shirt over my naked chest and walked down the hall. Leaning against the door of the kitchen, I rolled my eyes at the sight of Grandnanny trying in vain to cook some scrambled eggs. Now I was only thirteen but I knew eggs have no part of them that’s supposed to be black.
“Kissy I don’t know what the hell your mama did to this stove but I’m going to whip her ass when she gets back here!”
I sighed and grabbed four more eggs from the basket and flipped the old crusty crap she was fixing into the trash. Four minutes later, eggs were on each plate piping hot and yellow.
“Thanks Kissy love.” She laid a quick kiss on my cheek and I nodded. True to her word when Momma got home from her twelve to six shift ten minutes later I heard Nanny’s nasal high voice shrieking and whining. I was used to this Monday morning charade so I went back to dressing myself for school, fixing my long brown plaits myself and fixing rubber bands to the ends. When I walked into the kitchen, Momma had already picked herself up and was rubbing her jaw gently not crying or talking just looking at the floor. That witch was checking her lipstick in the mirror over the stove.
I sat my satchel down on the floor and winked at Momma who kissed the air in front of me. It was custom to have us all sit down at seven o’clock. As the big mahogany grandfather clock would chime its first chime of the seven, my granddaddy would waltz into the kitchen. He’d scoop Grandnanny up into his arms and dance with her to inaudible music ; music silent to those who weren’t supposed to be in that happy bubble. Momma and I always sat in amazement watching them. Both of us longing to hear the music-- just one note.
“Kissy how’s school. Getting them grades?”
“Yes sir.” I clutched my fork and willed myself to eat when for all the years of my life I was never hungry at this time of morning.
“Tell Mrs. Driver she can pick up that fifth of shine at noon.”
I said nothing as Daddy went back to his plate. I didn’t plan on seeing Mrs. Driver today or any other day. I skipped her class everyday there wasn’t a test and still made perfect scores. Shoot, she didn’t care…less students for her to deal with.
A rock tapped the window slightly and I gobbled down my eggs hurriedly. I kissed my mother and simply looked at my grandparents. A second rock made its presence known in the glass as I gripped my satchel and raced out the door.
“Damn girl you git slower eday.” My best friend, T.J. Miles smiled up at me, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, his cap down over his eyes.
“Nah, you get more impatient everyday, Negro.” I rolled my eyes and caught stride beside him. He leaned down and I took the cigarette out his mouth greatfully.
“You going to school today?” He asked with an eyebrow raised. That brotherly eyebrow.
“I guess so. Ain’t shit else to do.”
‘Amen to that.”
“You can’t say that.”
“Say what.”
“Amen to that.” I say mocking his deep voice.
“Why not ?”
“Cuz,,I used the word shit. You can’t say Amen to something with shit in it”
“Kissi?”
“Yeah”
“Shut the hell up.”
I took one more puff and put it back in his mouth laughing. When I got to school, I quickly changed my mind. I let T.J. take me to my class to make sure he didn’t think I was ditching, then after morning roll, I asked to go to the bathroom and shimmied my 5’6 frame out of that little bathroom window thanking God that this morning I didn’t have one of those doughnuts Granddaddy buys and places on top the fridge. I hated the confinement of school, the feeling of one dilapidated building being my universe for eight hours appealed to me about as much as a route canal with no Novocain.
I walked a long time. I walked until I came to an open field on the outskirts of town. I sat down in the long weeds and pulled a cigarette from my training bra. Pulling a fifty cent lighter I stole from the 711 from my back pack. I lit and sat back letting my mind drift into a place where thoughts were not necessary and definitely not recommended.
The next thing I felt is a gentle grabbing of my belt loop and a not so gentle yank to my feet. Disoriented I fell backwards into the grass. Pushing my bangs from my eyes I looked up.
“Damnit Kissi, I swear I should hurt you. What you doing out here? I woulda come wit you.”
T.J. looked so pissed, I wanted to cry. I didn’t even know a guy that dark could redden that much. I scooted over and looked up at him not saying a word. He watched me as I nervously played with the blades of grass and the black laces of my sneakers. I could feel his eyes scorching the back of my white tank top.
“WHAT!”
“What’s wrong?”
“Aint nothing wrong.”
Sighing He sat down beside me and picked up a rock and began to examine it…twirling it around in his fingers. I had always liked his fingers slim and shapely…no wonder he can play ball and draw like he could. His dark eyes still focused on the white rock he said bluntly.
“When I first met you, you used ta skip every now and then. Now, you skip everyday. Shit aint cool. I know you make good grades anyway but attendance counts lil girl.”
“I just cant stand it and I don’t see how you can either. Teachers suck, sitting in a boring class listenin to them tell you stuff you can figure out yoself.”
“Yea well not everyone is smart as you Kiss.”
“Didn’t say they were.”
He looks up at me for a brief second then shakes his head.
“Arrogant ass.”
I smile to myself wondering why this sixteen year old with such a bright future would wanna hang with someone in my position.
“Were you that worried bout me?”
He smirks and leans over kissing my cheek.
“Come on lets go, we’ll chill today if you promise to do right tomorrow.”
I get up dusting off my jean shorts and following him promising that if someone cared enough to check up on me that I would go to school, everyday and all the time. Hell, even my momma didn’t check up on my school work.

Timeless

I remember you
From a time within me
When I was a gatherer
And you a hunter
And you would run after
My heart for its bounty
I remember you
From a time within me
Where I was a damsel
And you a soldier
And you should chase me
From county to county
I remember you
From a time within me
When I was a dancer
And you were a painter
And you would display
My inner dreams
I remember you
From a time within me
Where you would
Kiss me….
Through eternity’s seams
And within the sands of time
We built castles
I remember you
from a time before we
could be together
And you fought for me
And I clung to you
against discrimination
I remember you
from a time when I didn't
know my greatness
And you shone enough
for both of us
Yes I remember you
even against the haze
of regret and forget
I know you
better than I know me
Because you're my partner
my last
and my memories
my past
And I remember you
And I know you well
And even today I know I will
find you
And love you still.

Romance like the movies
I touch your cheek
My foot raises
And lights to show
and a simple phrase like
I love you
though we just met
And I really dont want to look
stupid yet.
So I
keep it pushing push it back
Dont let it show
that Im blushing wishing hoping
that theres something
I dont know
call it karma as we lay
and I start to remember
what the others used to say
at the beginning
So I turn and chill
smile so polite
secretly hoping
you leave this sight
Past two, I have the same feeling
though my fears are true
so my dreams arent appealing
your mama warned you bout
with your lip poked out
but I aint one to whine
so Ima let you do you
Cuz Ill sing a chorus
Not the whole damn blues